Jail Day 03: One Key To Rule Them All.

My nights get better when I hear birds faintly stirring.

Their song announces a beautiful morning sure to come.

It makes me happy.

Regardless of where I am.

When military personal start to slowly pour into the office I just slept in. I’m moved to a tiled foyer, where I lay on the ground until sun set.

Refusing to talk to anyone except Flora and my friend and Lawyer, Thierry.

I asked Thierry to call my embassy.

He promised he would.

I took solace in that.

This is the email Thierry wrote on my behalf to the Canadian Embassy in Kinshasa on Monday September 16th.

When I’m moved back to the office, there are four girls sitting on the floor.

They’re young, maybe 16 wearing very little, no bras, tight dresses, no shoes.

The guard asked if I wanted one.

Monsieur” I said quietly “Enfants

What I really wanted to say was

“They’re not Doritos you offer guests, you fucking maniac, they’re kids”

One by one these hot children took my sandales without asking, so they could use the piss soaked washroom.

I felt terrible for them.

After some hours they were shuffled out of the room. They all said “Au Revoir” except the last one, she said “you touch me“. And laughed.

They were the same kids from the day before.

I had to laugh.

I waited for my guards to fall asleep. Then I copied the names of my captors from the report I co authored the previous day on my white pants.

Very sneaky.

I also wrote sprite slushie with mint and lime. It was at the time, the thing I wanted most in this world.

I thought of my Dad.

How when I see him again i’ll take him for a Sprite Slushie.

How hard it must be to slowly disconnect from your children.

I was getting trè emo.

So I decided to steal a key.

A key on a desk far from me, in full view of all three guards.

The key was in a lock used regularly by Major Yav.

I wanted that key, that key became my reason for being in Jail.

I waited for a black out, they happened regularly, and lasted for about 2 min.

When everything went black the only guard awake turned on his cell phone light and pointed it at me.

I snapped my eyes closed, pretending to be fast sleep.

Basic fakery.

When he turned off his light I got up from my chair.

In the darkness I scurried over to the desk and grabbed the lock.

I took the key, putting the useless lock on the desk not in front of me.

The power came back on.

And Voila, fuck you, Major Yav!

These fucking idiots had no idea I stole the key to a fifty cent lock.


I put the special key in my shallow white pants pocket.

I must protect it, I promised myself.

My stomach was burning.

It had been Friday afternoon since my last meal or drink.

But I had the key.





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